Stop Suffering in Silence: Don’t Let Martyr Mentality Hold You Back in Perimenopause
There’s a quiet epidemic I see all too often in women navigating perimenopause: the belief that they have to tough it out. That they should just deal with it. That asking for help means they’re weak—or worse, selfish.
If that hits close to home, you’re not alone. And you're certainly not broken. But here's the hard truth: this way of thinking—often called martyr mentality—might be keeping you stuck, exhausted, and suffering unnecessarily.
Let’s talk about it.
What Is Martyr Mentality—and Why Is It So Common?
Martyr mentality shows up as the belief that your needs don’t matter as much—or at all. The belief that discomfort is just your default setting. The belief that support is for people who have it easier, or who can afford to fall apart.
It often sounds like this:
“Of course I’d get the worst symptoms. Nothing about my life has ever been easy.”
“Great, just one more thing I have to suffer through.”
“This is just my reality—other people get to rest or heal, not me.”
“I don’t have the time, money, or space to fall apart.”
“I’ve always powered through. Why should now be any different?”
These aren’t just throwaway thoughts. They’re often shaped by a lifetime of being the one who holds everything—and everyone—together. You’ve likely built your identity on being strong, reliable, the one who gets it done.
But when that pattern becomes a way of life, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. And perimenopause can become the tipping point.
The Toll of “Toughing It Out” in Perimenopause
Perimenopause isn’t just about hot flashes. It can affect your sleep, memory, mood, metabolism, libido, and more. Hormonal shifts can magnify underlying health issues you’ve been pushing through for years. And yet, so many women wait until they’re completely depleted to seek support.
Studies show that women going through perimenopause often feel dismissed by conventional medicine, or unsure of what’s normal versus what’s treatable. This confusion can further reinforce the idea that there’s no point in asking for help—or that you’re supposed to just “grin and bear it.”
But perimenopause is not a test of endurance.
It’s a time that calls for deeper care, more support—not less.
Ask Yourself: Is Martyr Mentality Running the Show?
Try this quick check-in with yourself:
Do I minimize or dismiss my symptoms?
Do I feel guilty prioritizing my own needs?
Do I believe asking for help means I'm failing—or being dramatic?
Do I assume no one can help me anyway?
Do I put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own—even when I’m running on fumes?
If you answered yes to more than one of these, it may be time to gently challenge the belief that you have to do this alone.
A New Approach: Caring for Yourself Isn’t Selfish—It’s Strategic
What if instead of seeing self-care as indulgent, you saw it as essential?
When you take care of yourself, you don’t just feel better—you show up differently. You model to your children, your community, and your future self that health matters. That you matter.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about creating space for healing, even when life feels full. Especially when life feels full.
Tips to Shift Out of Martyr Mentality and Into Support Mode
Start Small, But Start Somewhere
Give yourself permission to name your needs—out loud. Whether that’s asking for a quiet moment in the evening or booking that long-overdue health appointment, small shifts add up.Reframe Asking for Help
Support isn't a luxury. It's a strategy. Seeking help from a provider who understands perimenopause is an act of self-respect, not weakness.Get Curious About Your Inner Narratives
When guilt or resistance shows up, ask yourself: Where did I learn this belief? Is it still serving me? Naming these thoughts is the first step toward changing them.Build Your Support Circle
You weren’t meant to do this alone. Connect with other women in this life stage. Whether it’s a friend, therapist, or practitioner, sharing your story can be incredibly validating—and healing.Consider a Personalized Plan
Functional and integrative medicine can offer real, evidence-based strategies to help you feel like yourself again. You don’t have to patchwork it together from social media posts and supplements.
My Invitation to You
If you’ve been silently suffering through perimenopause, trying to “push through” or “be strong,” this is your invitation to stop.
You don’t have to earn the right to feel well. You don’t have to wait until things get unbearable. Support is here now, and you deserve to receive it.
Let this be the moment you challenge the old story—and choose yourself.
Ready to feel like yourself again?
I work with women in perimenopause every day to create personalized, root-cause care plans that actually help. You’re not alone—and it’s never too late to feel better.
Book a free consultation or Learn more about how I can support you.
